Friday, 20 October 2017

I Am The Happiest I've Ever Been - And I Want To Talk About It!

All my life I have been chasing happiness (haven't we all?), and now that I actually have it, I feel like I have to hide it. They say that misery loves company, but that's only true when it's around more misery - misery does not liking being around happy!

I'm not claiming that everyone else is miserable, but I have definitely noticed that many people are a little put-off by my constant smiling and general cheeriness. I know that being around someone who is constantly bubbly and peppy can be a little draining if you're not feeling up to matching their enthusiasm. At work we're always joking about how happy and energetic I am compared to everyone else, and I don't mind that. 

I understand that not everyone has as much energy as I do at 10 in the morning, and I certainly don't mind being known as the person who is always happy, but sometimes I really do feel like people are angry at my happiness. I've had complete strangers ask me in very begrudgingly tones what on Earth I'm so happy about, and I'm always left speechless. 

In my mind I'm thinking, Why wouldn't I be happy? I have a great life: I've got friends who I love, the best boyfriend in the world, extremely fulfilling hobbies, and a great job - but, of course, I don't say any of that. I just shrug and end up feeling guilty for being happy, and that is so unfair.

I know that everyone says this, but I've been through some pretty rough things. I grew up in a violent household, I moved schools many times due to bullying, I was in an abusive relationship, my house burned down, I'm estranged from my mother (actually, that's a good thing), and I struggle with anxiety

I have done the being sad thing. I have been the person who wallowed in their depression, who made bad choices just to try to get through the pain, who never wanted to live to see another day. I lost practically all my teenage years to being sad, and I refuse to lose anymore time to that toxic feeling.

I am so incredibly lucky and grateful that my life turned out the way it did; that I was able to distance myself from the things that were bringing me down, and work on bettering myself and my life. I still remember what it was like being that terrified, depressed 14-year-old, and that is exactly why I am the way I am now.

I know how bad life can be - how bad it was - and now that it's so much better, I am going to enjoy it. I am going to appreciate it. I am going to make sure that it stays this way, and only gets better.  I understand that being around happy people when you're struggling with something is difficult. You constantly compare yourself to them, and that leaves you feeling worse. 

I don't mean to imply that everyone is comparing themselves to me, not at all. I still compare myself to others far too often, and I know how easily that it can bring you down, but I don't think that despising people who are happy is the way to go. I think you should embrace their happiness, learn from them, make the changes that they made to see if they work for you. I am always trying to engage with people that I find inspiring because it's only going to help me be better at being myself. 

There's a common saying in the blogging world that should apply to everything in life: Community over competitionIf we look at one another with inspiration on our minds instead of jealousy, if we focus on helping each other rather than always trying to be the first one to reach the top, then we'll notice a real change in ourselves, and the people around us. Don't ever be the rain on someone else's parade, and don't ever let anyone dim your light. Continue to shine through it all. Hope you're all having a lovely week ✨

Until next time,

Indya xx