For example, Daniel had never thought about owning a house before we started dating. That's not too shocking seeing as he was only 17 years old, but I had always known that I wanted to own a house when I was older purely because it seemed so out of my reach. As we started getting older and began figuring out what we wanted to do with our lives, the thought of owning a house became a big goal for Daniel - as did going to uni.
If it wasn't for each other, neither one of us were likely to have gone onto further study. In fact, we'd probably still both be living at home! He'd still be there due to lack of ambition, and I'd still be at home due to fear - but together, we grew, we moved out, and we started planning for our future. Over the last four and a bit years, I have grown a lot, I have gone through a lot, and I have changed a lot, and it has all been for the better.
I constantly think back to who I was at 16 years old and it feels like I am looking at a completely different person. I honestly don't know what Daniel saw in me back then, but boy am I glad that he stuck with me, because I certainly wouldn't have become the person I am now without him! Today's post is about reflecting on the ways I have changed since meeting Daniel, and how much better off I am with him in my life.
MY JEALOUSY IS NOW NON-EXISTENT.
When Daniel and I first started talking, I was still pretty fresh out of a relationship. A very long, gruelling, awful relationship that left me with many issues, but one of the biggest issues was jealousy. My last partner would make any friendship with a female seem like a threat to me on purpose just to mess with me, and what made it even worse is that those girls went along with it. Together, they tormented me and made me feel like I could be left so easily, and being so young, that really messed me up.
Even when I was with Daniel - who was so much kinder and sweeter right from the start - I was convinced that he would leave me any day for someone else. I constantly compared myself to other people, and I am still so shocked that I no longer think that way at all. Overtime I realised that Daniel really did love me and wasn't going to leave me for someone else.
I became a lot more comfortable in our relationship, and now I can joke with one of my best friends about how much she adores Daniel, because I trust them both and I know that she has her own boyfriend who she is madly in love with. 2013 me would not have been able to handle that at all, so I am super proud of myself for letting go of such a toxic feeling.
MY INSECURITIES NO LONGER AFFECT OUR HAPPINESS.
Whilst this sort of ties in with the jealousy thing, my issues didn't just stop at my lack of trust for anybody. I also had an awfully strong detestation towards myself, and that hurt Daniel just as much as it hurt me. It was difficult for him to understand how I could be so unhappy with myself and my life when we were so happy together, and I still think back to those times where I could see how much my sadness affected him. It never actually put a strain on our relationship, and he never once showed signs of wanting to get out of that situation, but it still wasn't a very fun time.
We have since changed so many aspects of our lives - where we live, who we are in contact with, how we spend our time - that have enabled me to have a newfound love for life and I will never not be grateful to have had him by myself through that personal journey of mine, but I am so glad that that time in my life is behind me and I can now focus all my time on making our lives even better.
I'VE LEARNED WHAT TRUST AND CONTENTMENT FEEL LIKE.
It's hard for me to explain what it's like to have absolutely, 100% trust and faith in someone after going my whole life expecting people to let me down. Daniel has never let me down, and that is an amazing fact to reflect on. I can count on him at all times, for absolutely anything, and I am so incredibly lucky to have someone so genuine in my life.
I also never realised how amazing it is to feel content until it happened to me. Most of my life I have been searching for more, for something exciting, or some sort of change, and - whilst Daniel and I have goals for the future, of course - I now know what it's like to feel absolutely content with what you have. To be able to look around and know that things could stay exactly as they are and I would still be just as happy 20 years from now is amazing. It is so nice to feel so calm and happy with how life is at this very moment.
THE FUTURE DOESN'T SCARE ME AS MUCH ANYMORE.
Don't get me wrong, it still scares me a little. The unknown is always going to be somewhat frightening - not to mention the fact that time is just passing by so fast these days - but it's far more exciting than it is scary when you have someone by your side through it all. Whilst we have our goals, we have no idea where the future could take us, and that is exciting as hell. Talking about all the possibilities we have, all the paths we could take, all the things we are still yet to experience, is so much fun, and I can't wait to see what our futures have in store for us.
I AM MUCH MORE WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS.
Daniel's not magic, so there's plenty of things that will probably never change about me, even if Daniel tries to make them happen. For example, I will never drink water unless I'm about to throw up from a headache, and I will never suggest that we walk to work when we have a perfectly good car that will drive us there, but I am definitely more likely to take more chances on myself now that I have someone who supports me and builds me up at all times.
So much of my blog content has a lot of Daniel in it as he is always offering suggestions on how to improve things or go that one step further, and as scary as it can be trying new things, I really do love having someone in my life who encourages me to get out of my comfort zone. I honestly think he is to thank for all of my self growth over these few years. The Small Adventurer wouldn't be what it is without him cheering me on from behind the scenes!
Wow, that was a long post! I have done a lot of growing and changing since Daniel and I got together in mid-2013, and nothing makes me happier than comparing who I am now to who I was then.
I never imagined I could ever live such a happier and calm life, filled with so many amazing things and people, but I am living it right now and I will never take it for granted! What are some ways you have grown and changed for the better over the last few years? I love hearing about people creating the lives that they have always wanted to live for themselves!
Until next time,